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I also told him that I was still looking for a foster family for Klaus [my mini schnauzer].It was at this point that he was being accommodating to me, and it felt weird but it made me feel good because I wasn’t giving in. My husband is a self-centered type, and he’s proud that he’s that way. When we got married, I knew of his selfishness to an extent, but I figured I would be a balancing unit in his life, and he in mine. :( This is a more complicated issue because you agreed to put yourself in a situation with your ex (very bad idea) and you are now stuck. And having to deal with these issue long-distance makes it almost impossible to remove him from the equation.Over the years she’s been able to work through it and allow people to walk over her less, mainly from me just constantly telling her to tell people no or stop avoiding conflict just for the sake of doing such. I would spend some time thinking about how YOU feel about this issue.She still struggles with this a bit but has gotten much better. There are people who do for others, and get upset over it. Finally, there are people who do for others and feel good about their lives. If your life is full of generous activities, you will have no choice but to say, “Sorry, I can’t help you this week. It may well be true that you are ‘taken advantage of’ by others in a sense, but if you don’t mind then there isn’t a problem is there?I have been told that I allow people to walk over me, use me, etc.It occurs because I am by nature very accommodating, peace loving, and directly avoid conflict.
I’m going about my business.” Which is when I begged him to arrange a specific time to postpone it to. When I told him of how Ruben now has a foster family, all of a sudden he was ready to set up Skype. He was telling me of how he can take care of Ruben and that he would set up Skype before his next offday. But I was practicing being firm, and told him that I had made arrangements and Ruben needed to be turned over to the foster family.Sometimes when you do too much for other people, you are becoming an enabler, and you are not actually helping them. You can probably identify specific situations in your life when you have felt or are feeling like you need to be less accommodating. When you frame it in terms of yourself and your own feelings, the other person is less likely to get angry and defensive, on top of which, s/he can’t argue with you and tell you you’re wrong—they’re your feelings. If you’re feeling this way, I’m guessing there are people in your life who have gotten kind of accustomed (consciously or not) to being able to count on you to do take care of things that aren’t your responsibility. Simply say when someone asks you to do something that you want to say no to: “I’m sorry. (Thus, you avoid conflict still while standing your ground.) I don’t have examples because I’m one of those who doesn’t hold onto things that have happened to me.When you start standing up for yourself, your relationships with these people will probably change, and not necessarily in a positive way. Do you have any specific examples that you want to talk about in detail? That’s not possible.” If they have the audacity to ask why, simply repeat your answer. Every One after the first poster is hitting the nail on the head. Often these questions make you feel cornered and off-guard.Maybe if people posted scenarios, I’ll tell of how I would react? “Let me get back to you in several hours, days, weeks after I check my schedule.” Then you can plan calmly what is best for you.There is also the “No, not this time, but how about a week from Tuesday? [It’s a great thing for me, because he was abusive emotionally and occasionally physically.] I’m back in Michigan with my family, but I had to leave my pets in Alabama with my husband because no one in my family wants to accommodate pets.