Fat girl dating blog problems with women dating older men
Take her out to dinner, to the movies, walk around town. We are not represented in media except as comic relief or the ‘before’ picture in a diet ad. Chances are, there will be days when someone says something vicious and it’s hard for her to shake it off. Living in a fat bodies shapes many experiences for a person, and it’s important to understand and be sensitive to it.Different fat girls have different experiences, but we’ve all experienced a lifetime of discrimination. Be aware that there’s a whole system of oppression working against her, and it’s hard sometimes.‘Whoa there, hold on! Different girls are at different stages of comfort and acceptance of their bodies (and frankly, that goes for all girls of all shapes and sizes!Anytime, I post commentary about plus-size dating, the conversation grows long and weary. I had never been boy-crazy prior to my marriage, but something about asserting my sexuality after years of being repressed was attractive to me. I was on them so much, that I started to see some of the same guys on different apps.I mean, dating in general has become trash since the boom of internet faux-ness, where you can get anything and everything in the matter of a few clicks, but dating for straight-size versus plus-size is very different. At a few points, I came upon the profiles of a friend’s ex and dudes I worked with in real life. And although embarrassing, it hadn’t deterred me from having seventeen separate conversations with different dudes in the city.This is written in a pretty heteronormative manner, which I apologize for, but the experiences I’m most familiar with are men trying to chase women here. Mentioning this first because it’s SUPER important, and it’s the first thing guys tend to mess up on.This is loosely based on my own experiences as well as the experiences and suggestions of many girls I’ve talked to. Look, as much as I’m a body positivity advocate, as much as I call myself fat, as much as I realize that attraction is important and some people are attracted to fat bodies (which is totally cool! As fat girls, we spend a lot of our lives being treated differently–and it’s usually not in a good way. We’re just looking for you to get it and not do more of the same!
I’ve seen so many opening lines, especially on dating sites, along the lines of Here’s the thing. You probably think that it’ll make fat girls more likely to contact you first, but honestly it’s hurting your cause more than anything. *(Note, saying things like ‘real women have curves’, ‘only dogs like bones’, ‘skinny girls are gross’ are horrible things to say. We’re real people with real personalities and feelings. Again, can’t speak for all fat girls, but lots of us have had a lot of bad experiences when it comes to dating.
The first message I got was a couple trying to have me as their third, as in third wheel, as in a threesome. The following messages would start off with men requesting that I ‘sit on their face’. They’d make disgusting comments about my hips and butt. I was also fat-shamed by angry users who I wasn’t interested in.
Some of the white dudes, especially, would objectify my Black body, highlighting the size of my lips and what they’d do to them. I would tell my smaller friends who were using the same dating apps my stories.
Not someone who likes us because of our body, not someone who likes us in spite of our body. We worry if your parents are going to tell you ‘you can do better.’Any time you think it’s hard for you, remember it’s a lot harder for us.
I mentioned that most of us have had bad experiences, being the ‘secret’ lover, not ever getting to meet a guy’s friends, and it’s really quite painfully true. There are lots of folks out there who hate fat people.