Signs of neediness dating

Let the new scenarios overtake the ones your fear conjured up.

Taking control of your fears and neutering them brings your power back inside, instead of leaving you at the mercy of others.

Celebrating your accomplishments, even if they’re small, practicing gratitude for what you have and being your own biggest fan are key to finding internal validation. We have given up what’s known as our locus of control – we have ceded our ability to influence our own life to the actions of others.

In trying to insulate ourselves from loss, we give others the power to destroy us; our relationships go from mutual love and respect to a state of constant vigilance against loss. Our fears revolve around imagined nightmare scenarios – that we’ve done something wrong, that our lovers don’t really want us and so forth.

Of course, the perverseness of this is that the tighter we cling to others, the more we end up pushing them away from us. The first step in eliminating neediness is to change where you get your value.

People who have issues with neediness rarely have a strong sense of self; all of their value and validation is external.

Once you understand that connection, needy behavior makes much more sense.

We fear a loss of control and so we try to control our partners.

Much as with where we get our validation, if we have no core, no identity of our own, we tend to define ourselves by our relationships to other people.

When your jerk-brain floods you with all the ways you’ve fucked up or signs that your relationship is in danger, picture them as wildstyle graffiti on a wall, layering upon itself until it becomes nothing but incomprehensible visual noise.

The more absurd you make it, the less power it has to hurt you. See your partner enjoying themselves with you, or taking time out of their busy schedule to return your text.

The jokes may be over the top, but they represent just how unpleasant neediness and clingy behavior can be.

And believe me: men are especially vulnerable to needy behavior.

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