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What if your partner thinks that you need him to take on a different persona in order to get turned on or that your wandering mind means you have a wandering eye too?

Then, there are always classic power dynamics to fall back on, like cop and criminal or doctor and patient—take your pick.

(Unless you really do want to sleep with the mailman.

If that's the case, that's a whole other story.) Once you've brought up the what, it's time to explain the why—and yes, sorry, this part is nonnegotiable! If you want to have a truly sexy experience, you have to describe what it is about that particular scenario that gets you going (the better you explain your fantasy, the more likely it is to come to life in a way that gets you off rather than makes you feel weird).

Telling your partner that you have a doctor fantasy isn't enough—through no fault of your partner's, you could find yourself in the company of Dr. "Maybe a doctor is sexy to you because he's in control but generally clinical and sort of cold, so the idea of roiling his passion through your desirability is sexy," says Kerner.

Okay, sure, but how to describe this without feeling foolish?

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    If you want to see them without clothes then you are supposed to bring out your gold card.